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[personal profile] stardustnpoppycock
So this is my first blog. I suppose it will contain bits about me and my life, random musings of the absurd, contemplation on the meaning of life and all sorts of jazz. I'm a rather complex individual, hard to read past my sunny disposition. I'm funny and kind on the outside but deep down I'm constantly analyzing everything from people to situations. For now I'll skip the tales of my sordid past as I'm sure they will pop up in future posts. I'm not even sure that people will see this blog, the closest thing to a diary I've ever kept. I've always been so closed off, it's about time I got some of my shit out there for the world to see(or not see.) I'm hoping this will be something therapeutic.

Tonight, I am filled with a certain sense of glee and contentment with life... something I just now realized I'm feeling. It startled me a bit at first because the last time I recall feeling this way was when I was 18 and starting college, leaving behind all that high school drama and starting fresh with 24 college credits already under my belt.(I was always a good student.) So much shit has come my way since then and it wasn't until this past year that I realized I was blaming the "wicked" world for all my woes as if I had no fault in the matter. "Innocent! The victim!" Seriously, it was pathetic. Now I've had my therapy and have really been looking hard at myself, something I had always dreaded doing. Afraid of my own demons I suppose. I ambled around in life desperately wanting to figure out just who the fuck I was, thinking someone someday would hold all the answers for me... If only life were that easy.

Anyways I'm getting off track here. I swear this was supposed to be a "feel good" moment. I was driving home from work, buzzing with such contentment. I realized how utterly happy with the way my life is going after the shitstorm I survived. I'm going back to school in the fall, working to finish my bachelors in psychology. I have a job that I rather enjoy, getting to be social and helping people in a home improvement store. Now it isn't all sunshine and kittens, nothing is ever fucking perfect. I had to move back home and am currently living with my mother, which is a relationship that still needs work. I have like one friend, who is my ex. Yeah... Even thinking about that can't get me down right now.

Perhaps some of us spend our whole lives looking for who we really are as individuals but I believe even more never truly take the time to figure it out. Try sitting alone in silence for five minutes, just thinking. If you can't handle being alone with yourself and your thoughts perhaps you still have some searching to do.

I recently read a quote by Louise Hay that ties into what has changed about me as a person. "I don't fix problems, I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves." Anyone relate to that? Well I got my jollies out. Stay tuned... I might delve into some deep stories about my life or offer up some curious observations about the way I view the world.

Toodles, dearies!


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July 2014

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